I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize