FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
