im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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