I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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