Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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