wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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