Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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