Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize