He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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