Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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