god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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