I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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