remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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