I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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