Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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