I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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