somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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