this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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