update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize