My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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