I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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