I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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