dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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