Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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