i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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