We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize