i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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