My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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