Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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