If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize