ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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