I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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