i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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