U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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