My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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