i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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