Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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