I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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