Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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