awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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