you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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