can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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