So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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