Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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