Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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