Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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