I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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