Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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