Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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