I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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