Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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